2008 College Scholarship Winner
Christine Tynes' Essay
Life has its ups and downs, as well as unexpected twists and turns. Sometimes things take a turn for the worse, but we have to learn to struggle through and get past these obstacles.
Having chronic fatigue syndrome has been like a roadblock in the way of accomplishing my goals, but where there is a roadblock, there is always a detour. My way of getting around this illness has been keeping a positive attitude and continuing to try my best. It will become easier to reach the end of the path to success because of the hard work and dedication I put into everything I do.
Last summer was when I started having symptoms. One night, I suddenly felt extremely tired and weak. I had no idea what was going on, and most of the doctors I went to didn’t know either. After many long months of waiting with no answers, going to several doctors, having three MRI’s, and getting so many blood tests I lost count, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
At first I thought that it would be something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life, and I’d be too exhausted to do anything. However, almost a year later, I am still an honor student at school, in the top eight percent of the senior class. This year, I have become the online editor of my school newspaper, which requires a lot of work to keep it current and up to date. Although I have symptoms that get in the way of doing my schoolwork, I try to not let them affect me.
My health has not affected my career decision because nothing will stop me from doing what I love. When I was younger, my goal was to be a teacher or a writer, and I practiced by teaching my sister and writing and illustrating stories. My career goals have changed since then, but I am still just as ambitious as I used to be. I have always loved art because it gave me the opportunity to express myself and be creative. In high school, I discovered that I love graphic arts, and I plan on studying graphic design in college this fall.
Although I don’t think chronic fatigue syndrome has changed my career direction, I do believe that it has made an impact on the way I perceive things. I am stronger than I was before, and whenever I am faced with a difficult situation, I have the willpower and determination to fight through it. I am a better person today because of all I’ve been through and experienced in the past year, and I am going to continue to maintain my optimistic attitude in the future.
Ever
since I’ve been young, I’ve dreamed
big. Fantastic notions of the future filled my head and I changed my
“career”
as often as my clothing. People had
always told me that if I worked hard, I could achieve anything.
Unfortunately
for me, merely working hard
was not an option. When I was twelve years old, I was diagnosed with
Chronic
Fatigue Syndrome. That diagnosis was accompanied by that of Pertussis
(Whooping
Cough) and the Epstein - Barr Virus. Finding out this debilitating
illness was
probably going to last many years was devastating to me as a child.
Still,
I realized I could not let this
stop me from achieving greatness. I would just have to work harder. I struggled with many subjects in school,
especially mathematics. Despite my weakness in this subject, I have
taken math
every year, even beyond the requirements. Today I am in the Advanced
Placement
Statistics. My struggle has been very important to me, and despite the
hardships I’ve faced, I’m glad things have worked out the way they
have. If I
had the power to change my past, I would not. I would simply not be the
person
I am today.
It
is important to face adversity. As the
wise old adage states, life’s not fair. Learning this lesson early on
prepared
me for life’s challenges, both academic and physical.
Despite
my imperfect health, I volunteer
with the Englishtown-Manalapan First Aid Squad, helping those with
medical
issues far worse than my own. It truly puts life in perspective. It
would have
been so easy to wallow in bitterness and self-pity. Instead, I feel
lucky to be
alive and don’t take a single moment for granted.
This
fall, I’m going to
When you think things couldn’t get worse, have you ever thought
to
yourself, “Why me?” When things aren’t
going your way, I learned that giving up is not the answer. After all, things could be a lot worse. I have come to the realization that
everything that is happening to me is part of God’s plan for my life.
Ever since I was very young, I had a keen interest in science. I
always
strived to get the best grade I could, was in a gifted and talented
program,
and always had straight A’s. I was called “the brain” in a family with
a
history of learning disabilities. My mom would jokingly say, “Can you
believe
he wants to be a scientist? One of our
kids!”
My prolonged and continuing battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
began
when I discovered that I had been infected with mononucleosis from
someone who
sat next to me in class. After
struggling with this infection for the rest of the school year, I was
sure that
the symptoms would wear off and I would soon be back to normal.
Unfortunately,
things just got worse.
I
felt tired, so tired that words can barely scratch the surface of what
seemed
like a bottomless chasm of grief and despair. Mornings have become a
tiresome
fight with my mom shaking me and yelling to wake me up; no alarm clock
is loud
enough to wake me. I wake up with intense muscle and joint pain all
over my
body. At times, I felt like I just wanted to be left alone. My whole day was living on autopilot; being
dazed and confused in the “mental fogginess” that those with Chronic
Fatigue
Syndrome know all too well. I became
forgetful, distracted, and disorganized; friends nicknamed me the
absent-minded
professor. After all, how can you think clearly when you’re half
asleep? I am
struck with headaches that seemed to last for days like a painful
reminder of
an overwhelming fatigue that would haunt me all day long.
At last, when I got home, I thought I would
finally find peace in sleep. But, no matter how much sleep, I feel the
same the
next day. Each day is part of an endless cycle of desperation.
I
had went through so many tests, got stuck with needles so many times I
felt
like a pin cushion, and yet they couldn’t find out what was wrong. I
went
through tests from Lyme disease to an underactive thyroid gland, but
all the
tests came back negative. After ruling all of those diseases, I found
out that
all my symptoms matched those of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
I
struggled to keep my grades; I was exhausted during school and slept
right
through the rest of the day at home. My teachers would wonder why I had
trouble
finishing homework; I had trouble figuring out when I would be awake
enough to
do anything.
I soon fell behind, which is hard to recover
from when you’re taking Advanced Placement classes. I had reached my
ultimate
emotional low when one of my teachers thought that I wouldn’t pass the
class
and that I would have trouble making it into the college of my choice.
It
appeared that all my dreams were being shattered. With my slipping
grades, my
class rank fell to around 16%. My childhood dream of being a scientist
seemed
to be slipping out of reach.
Still, “The Lord is my strength and my song” and I still had trust in God that everything would be all right even when everything isn’t all right. By knowing that God has a plan for me, I can hope even in the worst of times. After reading the book of Job, I realized that things could be worse. Job was a man who had everything one could want in life: wealth, good health, friends, and a great family. As time went by he lost all of these, but he kept his faith in God. In the end, “The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning.” The adversity of his life serves as a testament of his faith for countless generations.
Even
though I felt so terrible, I never let it get the best of me; as
persistent as CFS is, so am I. I always
manage to break into a smile, and make others happy; that’s one of my
aspirations in life that keeps me going. After my dad became disabled
from
complications with Diabetes, my mom had to become the
breadwinner of the family with her children’s entertainment company. I
always
help out and work as a clown and balloon artist in the business. My
greatest
reward is to see the smiles on the children’s faces. I started and
headed the
“Undies for the Needy” underwear drive for the homeless and the Crisis
Pregnancy Center. My family and I also donate our time with in “Buddy
Ball” for
the handicapped children for the past four years. This year, we
received a plaque for our years of outstanding dedicated service and
support to the Buddy
Ball League. I
try to stay involved in extracurricular activities at school. I was
inducted
into the National Honor Society in my Junior year, and I am involved in
Student
Council and the Science Club. Not only did I manage to get through my
AP
classes, I also got a perfect score in the AP Biology Exam with my name
on a
plaque in front of our school. As for the teacher that said I wouldn’t
make it,
I managed to bring my grade up to a B+ this last marking period. Now,
I’m busy
studying for this year’s AP exams and hoping for another perfect score.
I
am a senior at Oakcrest High School, am I am currently enrolled in
Rowan
University for the fall semester and plan to major in chemical
engineering. I
plan to get my master’s degree and further my education all the way to
the
doctorate level. My ultimate goal is to be in a career that allows me
to use my
skills for the benefit of others.
So, having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has affected my goal for
higher
education; it has made me stronger and encouraged me to pursue a
growing
scientific field of study that could benefit others like me. It has
pushed me
to go further; to discover, create, and use the gifts that God gave me
to help
cure such debilitating diseases that others suffer. As it is written in
Job
8:21, “He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing.”
God has a plan for all of us. At last I am beginning to
understand his
plan for me; everything is meant for a reason. Because of all of this,
I have
learned to see peace and happiness in the mists of uncertainty and
adversity,
while helping others do the same.
I was diagnosed with
Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome shortly after having arthroscopic knee surgery as a freshman
in high
school. I went from being Junior Varsity, starting goalie, being a part
of the
school’s marching band and sound and lighting group, participating in
Best
Buddies, as well a Venturing Boy Scouts and Native American Dancing to
barely
being able to get up in the morning.
Attending school on a full day basis was extremely hard, and
most times
I would find myself falling asleep during class, even during marching
band. Medications that I was, and still
am taking, allowed me to sleep at night, but over-lapped in the
morning, making
it hard to get up. I was put on a half-day schedule, receiving
homebound
instruction for my morning classes, and then for my afternoon classes
when I
fell behind. Yet there were times that I was so tired I couldn’t even
handle
that. I only worked one day a week, and
even then would have to call out at the last minute. If I got sick, I
would be
out of school anywhere from three weeks to three months. Injuries
triggered the
fibromyalgia in my back and would send me into muscle spasms, putting
me back
into physical therapy three or four times a week. I would be doing good
for a
few months and then I would suddenly “crash” as my mother puts it. I
began to
cherish the times that I was able to make it to school or work.
Summers were easier, the warm weather and
absence of normal, everyday stress made it easier for me to function. I
worked
as much as the doctors and my mother would allow me, and after a few
years was
able to buy my very own car. During that time, my church and I became
involved
in the Appalachia Service Project, a program much like Habitat for
Humanity.
For one week during the summer, I would go to West Virginia or
Tennessee and
work for a week building a roof, or someone’s first indoor bathroom, or
repairing a house or church. I finally found something that I loved
doing, and
even thought I was killing myself to make it through the week, doing
everything
I could to keep moving, it became something that I looked forward to
each
summer, and at times the thought of going back was the only thing that
got me
through the school year.
I am explaining all of this so that you,
as the reader, will understand why I have chosen the career path that I
have. I have been accepted to Sterling
College in Sterling, Kansas. Not only that, but I have also been
accepted into
their Habitat for Humanity program where I will major in Social
Entrepreneurship. My career goal is to work with and for Habitat or
ASP. The
past few years I found that I don’t mind wearing myself ragged if it
means
doing something good for someone else. The smiles and tears and hugs
that I
find at the end of the week are all I need to keep myself going. Sure I
might
go home and sleep straight through the next few days, but I always find
myself
wanting to go back and do more.
Also during my time at Sterling College,
I wish to pursue a double major in Secondary English Education. English
is a
passion, I love to read and write and I find the English language
fascinating.
I have been encouraged to follow this by teachers and my mother alike,
but I
realized that I wanted to teach after witnessing possibly some of the
best
teachers I have ever had the privilege of having. The first was my
English
tutor during my first year on homebound instruction. Here name was Mrs.
Costa.
We were reading “Romeo and Juliet”; I was amazed at the way she made
the play
come alive right before my eyes. It was from her that I found my love
of
Shakespeare. My second influence was Mr. Craig, my junior English
teacher and
now my senior tutor. He has a different way of teaching. He doesn’t
just follow
a paper and pencil routine, but incorporates music and visuals, hands
on
teaching and the student’s own creativity. Everyday in his class was a
new
experience. I realized that I wanted to be just like these two
teachers.
An over-achiever I am not, but I have
been taught and I have learned that I have to fight through the CFS
condition
to get to where I want to be. I’ve seen so many teenagers with the same
condition just give up and stop trying. I’m lucky enough to have a
mother, when
I wanted to just give up, she was there to encourage me and push me
along. So yes,
having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has influenced my career decision. It
has
introduced me to two people who I highly respect and want to model
myself
after. Most importantly, it has brought me closer to my mother. Without
her I
don’t know if I would have been able to make it this far, and for that
I will
always be thankful.
Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome influences all decisions
and
functions of those who it victimizes. It creates an alternate
perception
of our every day lives. Day planners are no longer for planning,
but for reminding. Tylenol and aspirin become more like daily vitamins.
Every season becomes a flu season, and suddenly short walks feel like a
twenty-mile triathlon.
Living with CFIDS has severely limited my physical and mental activity, one of the worst punishments that a stubborn perfectionist can ever endure. However, I have found strength and ability in my disability. My stubbornness pushes on, and makes me want to succeed even more than before. Seeing others with this illness, friends that have become like family, I feel indebted to help improve their quality of life.
You see, while the physical pain that came along
with CFIDS has left scars on my body, the disbelief and opposition I
encountered
has left an open wound on my heart
When I first became ill, to the point where I could barely stand on
my own two feet, I was told by several "specialist" that I was tired,
or
lazy, or didn’t want to go to school anymore. I was told by my school
nurse
that I was "not physically ill, but depressed." I have been a straight
A student since first grade, right up through high school. Since the
day
I became acquainted with the word "success", I have been independent,
determined,
and college bound. Now all of a sudden I just want to shatter every
dream
I’ve had since I was a little boy? Think again, doctors.
I recently received my letter of acceptance from
The Richard Stockton College of New Jersey, where I will be majoring in
Psychology in the fall of 2002. My goal of higher education is to go as
far as I can possibly go, pass the finish line and keep on running. One
of the major misconceptions of CFIDS is that depression is a cause. I
believe
that in most cases, depression is secondary to the horrible symptoms
that
come along with the illness. I hope to someday use my professional
career
as a psychologist to be an advocate for CFIDS patients, as I have
chosen
to do in my personal life. I would also like to continue making CFIDS
documentaries,
and
inspirational videos. Creating "Bigger Than Life: A Teenager’s Journey
With CFIDS" is one of my greatest accomplishments, and one that would
not
have been possible without so many other wonderful people that have
dedicated
their lives to helping others and making a difference. I hope that I
can
do the same.
In 2001, James produced a video documentary entitled "Bigger Than Life: A Teenager’s Journey With CFIDS" about his experiences living with CFIDS. His video (number V69) can be borrowed by our members from the NJCFSA Lending Library (see the Library page for instructions on how to order it and other material). NJCFSA is proud to support James and his efforts to continue his education.James is a graduating senior from Egg Harbor Township High School in Egg Harbor. He will be attending Richard Stockton College in Pomona this fall and intending to major in psychology.
Thanks are owed to Scholarship Committee Chair, Betty McConnell, and committee members and judges Jacqueline Niederle, Beth & Laura Warren, Peggy & Sharon Walk, and Jon Sterling for the fine job they did in deciding this year’s winner from so many excellent candidates.
The NJCFSA Scholarship is open to New Jersey High School Seniors with CFS who wish to continue their education. Scholarship winners have $1,000 donated to the institution of higher learning in which they are enrolled. Applications forms can be obtained by writing to:
When people say to me 'I
feel so horrible,' I think to myself, "they have no idea what feeling
horrible
really is." I have, for the past two years of my life, been living with
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. After fighting with mononucleosis for most of
my sophomore year, I thought my life would return to normal. I was
entirely
wrong. I continued to wake up each morning feeling tired and could not
seem to rid myself of a swollen, painful knee. Although my parents and
doctors were concerned for my health, I seemed to be the only person
who
was taking this seriously. After numerous tests for almost, every
disease
imaginable, my doctor concluded that I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
This,
however, did not fully account for the fact that the pain in my left
knee
continuously bothered me. It was not until after I was tested for
rheumatoid
arthritis, and put through months of physical therapy that I was,
diagnosed
with Fibromyalgia in addition to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which meant,
the pain was here to stay.
Every day I wake up with some degree of pain and fatigue, but I have taught myself how to adapt and deal with my illnesses as a normal, but important part of my life. I now know that I can be myself without having to compromise anything because others often consider me "sick." My life has changed in a tremendous way, and I have become a better person because of this experience. The future that lies before me is the same one that did before I was diagnosed with two conditions that not many people have ever heard of. My dreams and aspirations of becoming a veterinarian have not been deterred based on my health. This experience has thankfully made my values slightly different. I appreciate every day that I can go out with my friends, watch my brother play sports, walk my dog around the block, or sit down and talk with my parents. I do not think "Today I'm going to be sad', "Tomorrow has to be fun." I simply live each day as it or is presented to me in the strongest way possible.
In my mind, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia are not two paralyzing illnesses; they are two of greatest sources of strength. I have been able to recognize the fact that I will have to live with these conditions for the rest of my life. I know no one can truly understand what I experience on a daily basis, but my family and friends have become more aware of what and how I'm feeling. I not only have the powerful memories of being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, I have the strength to deal with these illnesses. I'm looking forward to graduating in June, and while it; has been necessary to make adjustments to get to this point, I have managed to maintain balance in my life.
Jennifer
Larson (left) with NJCFSA Youth Trustee Beth Warren
As an ambitious woman, I have always aspired to prestigious careers such as architecture and forensic pathology. After several years of contemplating a medical career, veterinary medicine has captured my heart. My intense understanding, perception, and caring for animals compliments my adoration for medicine and desire to help those who cannot care for themselves. I anticipate the day I will be called "Dr. Jennifer Larson, D.V.M."
The fact that I have spent years debilitated with Chronic, Fatigue Syndrome, or CFS, has not once factored into my career choices. Many people, including a few of my teachers, have told me that my situation is "hopeless" and that I should scale down the difficulty of my classes and rigidity of my schedule, and choose a career that is less rigorous. However, I, being the stubborn person that I am, have repeatedly refused to let go of my dream of becoming a veterinarian. I have no doubt in my mind that I can successfully complete my schoolwork and manage my illness in college.
Ever since my freshman year of high school, I have worked as hard as I could get my body to function so that I could excel academically and still have my friends and some sort of social life as I battled the fatigue that plagues my body. So, I have fought back against the CFS as well as against those who told me I would never make it and graduate with my class. And yet, here I am. The sand in the hourglass of my senior year is slipping away and graduation day is creeping nearer. In June, I will make my triumphant walk across the stage to accept my diploma, along with all of my friends and classmates. I am also preparing for my freshman year at the University of Delaware.
Although I know I will be a dedicated veterinarian one day, I am not foolish enough to believe that the road to my profession will be easy to tread. I will struggle at times; I am certain that there will be days when the CFS gets the better of me and will force me to stay in bed. Also, I know that I will need to make sacrifices to preserve my fragile health and stay on track. However, I am determined, and have faith that as long as I refuse to acquiesce to my disease, I will reach my goal.
*
Learning to live each day to the fullest
Initiating change and taking an interest in things
Fulfillment of
dreams and ambitions
Encouraging everyone around you to do their best
For the past four years I have been plagued with an unusual illness
which was finally diagnosed two years ago as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
(CFS).
I was also found to have an Autonomic Dysfunction causing me to pass
out
at any given time. The inability to be diagnosed caused my family and I
a lot of frustration. I went from a student who loved school and
participating
in many extracurricular activities to someone that sat in bed because
of
an illness. When I felt good, I tried my hardest to attend school,
which
was to no avail. Teachers and students did not see my symptoms and
therefore
believed my illness was actually psychological. The only things that
kept
me going were the love from my family and my interests in so many
subjects.
I have included the above poem, which I titled "LIFE', to show how CFS
has helped me and made me who I am today.
Due to my illness, I have learned to appreciate
every moment when I feel good and to take advantage of it. I have
broadened
my horizons. At the moment I don't know what I want to be when I grow
up
because I'm like Baskin Robins ... thirty one flavors. Depending on the
day, I'm interested in Pre-Med., Pre-Law, Engineering, Economics, and
Performing
Arts. My family's love and support have been my "lifeline" for these
dreams;
And yes Regis, "That's my final answer." Every day of my life my family
and the people I have encountered support me and make me realize that
no
matter how lousy I may feel at times, dreams can happen. Chronic
Fatigue
has made me who I am. Whether I become a doctor, lawyer, or singer, I
know
that CFS has made me stronger, more compassionate towards others, and
more
passionate about life.
“As the moon
camouflages
itself by the dawn’s early mist, we awake to a new day, or shall I say
a new
beginning where obstacles, awards and disappointments are expected, but
can
never be predicted…”
The personal statement is a saying that I
had written
and etched on the memory of my mind and heart, when Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome
plagued my body with sickness. In life
we all have expectations and dreams. Sometimes, due to an evil
influence those dreams
remain dreams and assurance is forever lost, but in my visions I do not
see
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as a threat, but as a memory, for when you get
knocked
down you get back up and fight for your life.
It seems that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, thrives on the weakness of the body, but remember that it also feeds on the loss of faith and hope. In relation to my sickness, I got knocked down for a year, and it seemed that all faith in dreams were lost in a world where nothing thrived, but I conquered this. You must band together and never lose faith in God or family, for diseases prey on the vulnerable soul. For me, family and God were my only remedy. However, since Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has left its mark on my body, I will never forget the tears and pain that my family and I went through; but for now nothing will stop me from achieving my goals as a Biology major and for a higher education.
To conclude, the sickness that sleeps in my body will forever be there, dormant, till the next time it is awakend by a week moment in my body. As for now, I will work diligently, for one day when I become a Biologist, and specialize in certain a certain field, the torch of enlightenment will be passed on to me, and I will be added to the vast teams of doctors and scientists that will hopefully find cures and vaccines to stop these deadly diseases in their tracks of destruction.